2am

Sometimes I feel like no one other than my parents are going to miss me when I'm gone. I feel like I'm always the one to put in effort to talk to people I know irl, I never get invited to do things with my best friend even though he's supposed to be my best friend, he never even bothers to talk to me when we're not in person with each other, and everyone else that I am "friends" with never bother inviting me to anything either. I feel so invisible. People say they'll miss me, but isn't that what everyone is supposed to say? Hell, my best friend has yet to say that to me. I really hope when I move to Chicago I find a good group of friends, willing to go places with me (unlike my own best friend who seems to shoot down anytime I want to do something with him), have fun, and don't treat me like I'm invisible. Maybe it's just late night feelings bubbling up in me, but, no, it can't be, because I've been feeling this for way longer. I used to have a tradition with my best friend, to hang out every friday, but then one day it just stopped, he never wanted to do anything anymore, and now when he does do stuff he never invites me and he goes with people I know for a fact he makes fun of. I just feel like I've lost my best friend before I've even moved, and that hurts more than anything. I know once I leave he'll make no effort to ever talk to me, I can just feel it. My internet friends, on the other hand, the ones I've met and gone to shows with, I feel like they'll miss me more than my best friend will. Now that's sad, it shouldn't be that way, but it's all I've been feeling recently. I'm moving away, and the one person I care most about could care less. I'm moving away, but no one seems to care. I wish I didn't care, but I really do. I really do.